The Farmer’s Wife: To Be Pitied or Envied?

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary. For me the good times have far outweighed the bad but still I frequently have people tell me that they feel sorry for me or people will say to D  ‘your poor wife’. These comments largely stem from the fact that D works seven days a week leaving the house just after 4am and not returning until around 8pm, during busy times he doesn’t come home at all. On occasion, especially when we had a new born baby, this has got me down but I’ve always been happy with my lot. I’m not someone to look over the fence and wish we were like someone else. The reason for this being is that for every person who pities me, there is always someone who spits ‘it’s alright for you’ or ‘you are so lucky’. These comments usually relate to my living in the countryside, having a nice home and being able to bring our children up with the life experiences that most people have to pay for. In nice weather farms truly are glorious places to be.

I’ve never much believed in luck so being told I’m lucky drives me as mad as hearing ‘poor you’. I’m lucky that we have such supportive parents, I’m lucky that by complete chance I met D and we are lucky to have our little boy. Some things are luck, yes but on the whole I believe that we have what we have worked for and made sacrifices for and as most people reading this will know, farming requires a lot of sacrifices both in quality of life and monetary.


Like everything in life there is usually something good that can be found for every bad. This doesn’t just relate to farming and so it would be nice to just have it accepted that our life is different from most and for every trial there can be and usually is something good. Yes it would be nice to have D home shortly after 5pm to put our son to bed and for him to not be asleep on the sofa by 9pm but if this means that he has an office job then I’ll take what we have thanks. It’s not for everyone, but it’s for us. The time we have is quality time. He makes me laugh every day. We dance around like teenagers, our annual 3 nights away are treasured and replayed until the next year, not lost in a blur of frequent holidays and most importantly for me I still light up when he walks through the door. I don’t ever doubt how much he loves us. I know people whose husbands are around much more and they have an abundance of foreign holidays and days out, but they don’t all have that fun and love that we share.

Farming is a hard life but I’d never want to be pitied because of it, equally please don’t be envious either. There are more and more support networks for farmer’s wives as it can be lonely and trying but we are made of strong stuff and our expectations change. After all it’s 8.30 pm on my wedding anniversary and D isn’t home let alone preparing to take me out somewhere. I don’t care. I don’t want or need those things. He’s out working for our family and that means more to me than anything.



Categories farm lifeTags

1 thought on “The Farmer’s Wife: To Be Pitied or Envied?

  1. This is so true. I’m not this pragmatic all the time but I try. The other day, the only people I spoke to all day was the children. For me the envy annoys me more than the pity. In fact I don’t think anyone has ever felt sorry for me x


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